My life has been nothing short of a rollercoaster these past few weeks. I’ve had about 3 mental breakdowns, got drunk literally every weekend, and developed an obsession for Chipotle. (the last is completley out of character for me)
This past weekend I went home and hungout with Matt the entire weekend. We went back to the place we first met to watch one of the most important soccer games of the season, followed by a night of slow sex and him crying during because he was overwhelmed with love for me. It was something completely out of character for him that made me feel a lot better about getting back with him.
We both were able to spend times with our families, and Saturday night we went to his beach house in Ocean City, just the two of us. We got drunk together and had a really good time. We got to cuddle all night and it was a taste of what forever could potentially be like. It made me incredibly happy.
However, we are back to the real life and things are not easy when we are both at two seperate universities. It is a lot harder for him than me because I go out a lot and joined a club that has socials a lot, but it is still hard for me to hear him having a good time without me and meeting new girls.
He wants me to come visit him for the night on Friday but I don’t know if I am ready for all of that yet. I just don’t know if I’ll ever really be ready to face UMD with being rejected and all of the beautiful girls who go there, but at some point I need to get myself together and move on, because getting into UMD is one of the best things that has ever happened me, despite the fact that Matt is there and I am not.
I have to learn to be okay with him being there and me being here, and accept the possibility of it not working out because of the distance and jealousy that is always present. I also nee to always remember that if someone really wants to be in my life, they will do anything that it takes to be there.
I told myself I would never change who I am again for a guy, so I owe it to myself to keep that promise. I made the mistake of losing myself in a guy before, the same guy, and I don’t want to make that mistake again because when he leaves me, I need to have my self worth and identity.