I guess it’s probably not a good thing when your most common emotions are feeling worthless, unimportant and unloved. And that sucks because I feel all of those things right now…and felt them yesterday and the day before that too. I should probably stop complaining about all of my relationship issues and just end the relationship considering I’m probably the most annoying and unhappy person ever.
I am at conflict. When you put your entire heart and soul into something, it is hard to accept that just because you feel one way doesn’t mean that the other person involved reciprocates those same feelings. I always feel dumb for getting angry or annoyed at Matt because he always turns what I say into something making me sound rash and crazy. I think they call that emotional manipulation, but I call it normal. The way he rationalizes things makes sense to me, but everyone else tells me I’m just blind and need to end the relationship before I go to college because he doesn’t care about me like I think he does. Maybe I know that to some degree, but I have trouble letting go. I love him. I really truely love him with all of my heart and I don’t want to lose him. I just want him to love me back. I want him to think about me every second he is without me and crave me at the randomest times. I want his heart to race every time my name shows up on his phone, and more importantly, I want him to want to spend and cherish time with me. I want him to consider our time together as precious. I want a lot of things that I don’t get, so do I even want this relationship?